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Archive for December, 2008

My family speaks in movie one-liners and when you get us all together in a room…we pretty much lose all capability for intelligent conversation in favor of out-quoting one another. This pastime is never more apparent or appropriate than Christmas dinner.  A few favorites are below:

1. “Buck Melanoma, Molly Russell’s Wart.”

2.  “Deck the Halls with Boughs of Horry, Fa Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra.”

3.  “Grace, she died thirty years ago…”

4.  “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.”

5. “Tis the season to be merry…”

“Well that’s my name.”

“No shit.”

While we definitely quote some movies more than others (Christmas Vacation is on there twice clearly), we have over the years embraced a new addition to our movie repertoire. This film is a celebration of the “family” and we value it for that reason.

The newest member of our family (my cousin’s husband–married in October) decided to spend his first Christmas married with us. This is not an easy undertaking and we “originals” acknowledge the challenge. If you want to be heard at the dinner table, you have to yell louder than the loudest person speaking at that moment. Multiple conversations jet from one end of the table to the other. Half the time you miss half  the comment which results in a circular conversation of trying to understand what was just said. And the whole time, we fill our plates with seconds and thirds until Mom starts the Dessert Push.

He (my cousin’s husband) decides to throw his opinion into the chaos and proclaims how delicious my dad’s meal is.  My dad sits at the head of the dining room table and waits for all 20 of us to quiet down (a rare feat) before he responds. In a low, gruff voice with his left hand casually rolling through the air, he beckons the newest member to lean close and whispers,

” Someday, and that day may never come, I’ll call upon you to do a service for me.”

Thus, Dad has added The Godfather to the latest in a long string of quotes coloring our holiday conversation.

So, to round out this post, I must share with you my Top 10 Holiday Picks:

10.  Home Alone (I know I know…but who can resist Kevin McCallister)

9. The Santa Clause (Tim Allen as Santa)

8. Star Wars (really any…but definitely IV, V, or VI)

7. Elf (Will Ferrell is great…just great and who doesn’t love candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup)

6. Dr. Seuss’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966 cartoon, not Jim Carey)

5.  Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer (TV claymation)

4. Miracle on 34th St. (while I appreciate the antiquated versions, I’m referring to the 1994 Mara Wilson film)

3.  A Christmas Story (the non-TBS-duped version)

2. Christmas Vacation (Chevy Chase– “Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, fore-fleshing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where’s the Tylenol”–priceless.)

1. The Godfather (I takes the canoli; III sleeps with the fishes.)

Honorable Mention:

Old– Prancer.

New–Fred Claus (surprisingly humorous)

Disappointment:

The Polar Express (ugh.)

My family will probably have something to say about my picks. I obviously realize most are cliche and probably were box-office flops (ie The Santa Clause), but without fail, I sit with a cup of cocoa (5 marshmellows) and a stocking-sugar cookie and watch each of them during the holidays…sometimes twice.  I know you have your secrets too. Maybe around Memorial Day, I’ll share another batch of closet-favorites…after all, we are family of quoters not limited to just Christmas flicks.  Stay tuned.

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